Every so often a client will ask me if it bothers me being married and doing what I do for a living. I usually come up with some clever retort, like, "it usually comes in handy right up until my wife gets tired of arguing and just beats the crap out of me!" The truth is I don't want to upset them with the real answer- it doesn't bother me a bit.
Maybe I could be more honest with them if I could articulate how I manage to work 50 to 60 hours per week amongst the wreckage of a failed or failing marriages without losing confidence in my own. Unfortunately, I can't articulate it - all I have to do is look at my beautiful wife Stephanie who married me seven years ago today and I know I can do it.
I suppose I could have Stephanie drive from her office to mine every time I meet with the new client so they can see what I'm talking about, but I think after a while my joke about her beating me might become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Maybe someday I'll find the right words to explain how having your perfect mate wake up with you every morning and be there for you every night gives you the power and the freedom to face anything that comes your way. Until then, I guess I'll just have to keep being clever. Happy anniversary, honey, I love you so much!
Monday, November 18, 2013
Saturday, November 2, 2013
Hit the Ground Stumbling
Not every client walks into my office in the immediate throws of a separation. A significant number of my new clients come armed with pre-existing consent orders, separation agreements, and sometimes active litigation.
That last category is worthy of it's own blog post on some future occasion because there are special considerations when a client is looking to replace his or her current attorney, or when they have been litigating has their own attorney for a while. The other two scenarios involve parties who have previously settled their differences or had them settled by a judge, that ehay present their own special challenges.
Domestic cases can be like zombies - they're never really dead, especially when you have kids. Custody is always subject to modification, as is child support and traditional court-based alimony. Property distributions, both private settlements and court orders routinely require future action, often the payment of money, and can take years to perform, even after the basic terms are decided.
Here, in no particular order is a smattering of the questions that run through my mind the first time I meet a client who has an existing custody order, alimony order, separation agreement, etc:
- If they had an attorney before, why aren't they sitting in his or her office asking these questions right now?
- How much information did they retain about the law as it applies to their case from their earlier experience?
- Did their prior attorney even care enough to pass along some useful knowledge?
- If they did, did they screw it up, thus making my job twice as hard?
- Are we going to talk about modifying something that is designed to be modified periodically like custody?
- Or, is the client just unhappy about his prior outcome and hoping for a do over?
I handle cases that fall within all those categories. I typically err on the side of explaining all the basic concepts relevant to the client's problem, regardless of whether it seems they have heard it all before.
With custody for example, I explain that modifying an old order requires showing a substantial change of circumstances is only part of what the client needs to understand. We need to look forward in time at the new custody order, assuming we prevail. What are the practical terms that will serve the children's best interest? Did the client think about legal custody versus physical custody and the ramifications of the new proposed arrangement for his or her ability to co-parent with the other party?
In cases involving modification of child support or alimony, is the client recently unemployed? Should we be waiting to see if a new job opportunity presents itself quickly? After all, these modifications can take months to be resolved? I don't like charging people thousands of dollars only to find that their circumstances are no longer "substantially changed" by the time we see the judge!
Anyway, I've had a number of these situations lately and walked away feeling like I need to practice how I conduct these consultations. This is one of those posts that is more helpful for me to write than possibly for you to read. Still, I hope it gives you a sense of how unique everyone's situation is comes through my door.
That last category is worthy of it's own blog post on some future occasion because there are special considerations when a client is looking to replace his or her current attorney, or when they have been litigating has their own attorney for a while. The other two scenarios involve parties who have previously settled their differences or had them settled by a judge, that ehay present their own special challenges.
Domestic cases can be like zombies - they're never really dead, especially when you have kids. Custody is always subject to modification, as is child support and traditional court-based alimony. Property distributions, both private settlements and court orders routinely require future action, often the payment of money, and can take years to perform, even after the basic terms are decided.
Here, in no particular order is a smattering of the questions that run through my mind the first time I meet a client who has an existing custody order, alimony order, separation agreement, etc:
- If they had an attorney before, why aren't they sitting in his or her office asking these questions right now?
- How much information did they retain about the law as it applies to their case from their earlier experience?
- Did their prior attorney even care enough to pass along some useful knowledge?
- If they did, did they screw it up, thus making my job twice as hard?
- Are we going to talk about modifying something that is designed to be modified periodically like custody?
- Or, is the client just unhappy about his prior outcome and hoping for a do over?
I handle cases that fall within all those categories. I typically err on the side of explaining all the basic concepts relevant to the client's problem, regardless of whether it seems they have heard it all before.
With custody for example, I explain that modifying an old order requires showing a substantial change of circumstances is only part of what the client needs to understand. We need to look forward in time at the new custody order, assuming we prevail. What are the practical terms that will serve the children's best interest? Did the client think about legal custody versus physical custody and the ramifications of the new proposed arrangement for his or her ability to co-parent with the other party?
In cases involving modification of child support or alimony, is the client recently unemployed? Should we be waiting to see if a new job opportunity presents itself quickly? After all, these modifications can take months to be resolved? I don't like charging people thousands of dollars only to find that their circumstances are no longer "substantially changed" by the time we see the judge!
Anyway, I've had a number of these situations lately and walked away feeling like I need to practice how I conduct these consultations. This is one of those posts that is more helpful for me to write than possibly for you to read. Still, I hope it gives you a sense of how unique everyone's situation is comes through my door.
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