Jorts for Justice

This post will be more autobiographical than most, but go with me, there's a legal point here somewhere.
I am the proud owner of two pairs of jean shorts. No cut-offs, mind you; denim shorts by design. I wear them in precisely two situations - while doing manual labor in the summer heat, and during my annual Nascar vacation in May when my friends and I camp out for the Charlotte races.
About three years ago, I naively changed into my jean shorts at the office before leaving for a fun weekend at the track. My colleague, a shirt-tale Southerner from North Virginia, sounded as though she were actively choking back her lunch when she said, "I cannot believe you wear jorts!" For the first time, that clever bit of American slang entered my life.
It turns out, my wife felt the same way. In fact, every woman I know hates my jorts. Most of the men can't handle them either, truth be told. Turns out, 98% of mankind make no distinction between jorts and a full on Canadian tuxedo (no matter what you match them with).
To those would-be clients who would shun my durable, functional summer-wear, I say have no fear. I still fill out my courtroom suits with the same urbane, confident swagger you have come to know and demand. This post, however, is for all you "two-percenters" out there who have ever been dissed for sporting your denim. I am also here for you.
You see, in an anecdotal and totally non-statistical way, I find that men who wear jorts often share a basic mistrust of lawyers and legal system. Quite frankly, you've got a point there. Often the justice system like the democratic system - it's the worst possible form of governance, except for all the other ones!
Unfortunately for you, it only takes one party to push a divorce case forward. You either defend yourself or get mowed down. Neutrality is simply not an option. Therefore, (and here's the big legal conclusion you've been waiting for) if you wear jorts as I do, and you find yourself staring down the barrel of a painful separation, let me suggest that you find an attorney who knows what it's like to walk a mile in your denim. You'll be glad you did.